Cleanse Update: I'd rather be dirty

I've always said...if only I could blog what I REALLY want to say without a filter...imagine what I would write...

Last week, during a moment of weakness (and hunger) I actually did it. I wrote without a filter, exactly what was on my mind...including sharing all of those crazy voices that were having a field day in my head. It was refreshing to be so real, so honest and so authentic. In an effort to continue my "filter free" blogging, I think it's only fair to give an update.

I've never been a skinny person and maybe this is why...the whole "cleanse" stuff is for the birds. It made me crazy, I heard VOICES (like lots of them!), and I came close to eating my children (not really, but I was taunted by every carb in my pantry and fantasized about eating Fruity Cheerios).

I've experienced a bit of a self discovery during this experience. Here are my conclusions:

• I would rather be chubby and happy than hungry and crazy.
• If you tell me I can't do {or have} something it will only make me want it more. Whether it's a limit on spending money, eating carbs, or dating Mr. Wrong...tell me I can't have it and it will become my main focus. Hence the whole you can't eat food all day thing redirecting my entire focus to wanting to EAT.  *note: this doesn't always work in my favor but it is how my brain works.
• I figured out a way to make the shakes so they are edible (adding a little cocoa powder and almond butter helped) . I will continue to consume these until the canister is gone.
• Like most things in life, balance is key. I am finding a balance between the shakes, the cleanse juice (it's actually not that bad), and real food. The voices have stopped (well, they're much quieter now...)
• If you're concerned at all about your appearance (which most of us are), you probably hear the same voices I do. We have to be able to discern the ones that are valid and the ones that are a result of an addiction or bad habit (a voice telling me to eat Moose Tracks ice cream is not the right one to listen to...)
• If there was a magic formula, cleanse, pill, diet, WHATEVER, that could guarantee skinniness with little or no effort then Oprah would have it and she would be skinny. But she's not. I rest assured in knowing that anything worth having is worth working for (bikini body included).

And that's all I have to say about that. I know we are all different and our bodies work in different ways. If you're a "cleanse" fanatic then by all means, I applaud your effort and your discipline. As for me, well, I'd rather stick with a daily balance of real food and keep the voices to a minimum.